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Editor’s Note: Many years ago I attended the Mauck-Stouffer journalism training in Muscatine. The training took place in the conference room, which is now across the hall from my office. The keynote speaker for this training is legendary Quad City Times columnist Bill Wundrum. He smiled all over as he addressed a room full of young journalists: “We have to let our bosses not know that we have the best job in the world, otherwise they won’t want to pay us.” Your enthusiasm and love is infectious. Last week, Quad Cities lost its narrator. In honor of Mr. Wundrum, we will reproduce his last column from May 6, 2018, which I found. Rest in peace, Mr Wundrum.
“I need this closet,” I told a young clerk in a Quad-City store. It holds most of our CDs and has shelves and doors to keep them from falling all over the place. Plus, it’s a great price: $99.95 compared to $125.95.
I was disappointed when the seller said, “Sorry, you can’t buy it. You have to take it out of the box and assemble it yourself.”
It just cost more than half the purchase price to assemble this cabinet in my office. I opted for home delivery and realized that even my monkey brain could put together something as simple as a bookcase.
And so begins the nightmare that we face again and again in these post-holiday days: “The rally is needed.”
What shocked me the most was the eight-page owner’s manual with the warning: “Do not go to the store for parts or assembly assistance.”
I have no doubt that there will be problems. Inside the box is a plastic bag containing about 5 pounds of screws, bolts, and brackets. This mysterious part has names such as hex screws, Phillips screws, patch plates, cam studs, plastic L-brackets, cam housings, wood dowels, lock studs, and simple nails.
Equally intimidating is the notice: “For efficiency reasons, you may find excess hardware and unused holes on your end.” What was that conversation?
However, step 1 reassured me: “This piece of furniture is easy to assemble. Just follow the step by step instructions.” All you need is a screwdriver and a hex wrench (what is that?).
All this amazed me. Wife checks from time to time. She would find me with a handful of hex screws, moaning piteously. As you can imagine, these instructions are not for fools like me. “Direct the arrows of the cam bodies to the holes on the edge, making sure that all the cam bodies are in the open position.”
So my closet is done. It’s beautiful, with a CD neatly placed inside and a small vine on top. But don’t give me credit for this feat. By midnight I gave up. The next day I called in a professional carpenter. It only took him two hours, but he admits, “It was a little tricky.”
As you may have read in this treasure trove of daily truths, I worry that germs spread at an incredible rate when people shake hands. Some answers:
“Thanks for the column on the handshake and its consequences. I’m also wary of handshakes during the height of flu season. The handshake seems more American to me. I prefer the Japanese way of greeting with a bow – leave one Comfortable distance,” says Becky Brown of East Moline.
“Hey, maybe we should bow to each other. It works for Asians,” said Mary Thompson, echoing the feelings of Becky Brown.
from the bishop. “With 2,500 worshipers visiting every Sunday, we recommend that handshakes and peaceful exchanges be stopped until further notice,” said Pastor Robert Schmidt of the friendly St. Anthony Church in downtown Davenport.